


The Everything Pizza

by FalonomAfterMidnight



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Family Bonding, Fluff and Crack, Fluff and Humor, Gen, Humor, Inspired by Fanart, Parody, Pizza, Restaurants, Short One Shot, Shout-outs, Silly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-18
Updated: 2018-09-18
Packaged: 2019-07-08 07:41:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 885
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15925922
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FalonomAfterMidnight/pseuds/FalonomAfterMidnight
Summary: Steven introduces his new Gem family members to Earth food.





	The Everything Pizza

"What's 'pizza', Pink?" asked Blue Diamond.

Steven replied with, "Well, it's a--you know what, it's better to just experience it first."

He, Blue, Yellow Diamond, Amethyst, Pearl, and Garnet were standing right outside of the Fish Stew Pizza restaurant. Steven had wanted to surprise his new family members with something he and a few other Crystal Gems personally really, really liked. But everyone else was rather uneasy at his choice of gift. After all, most Gems weren't familiar with the organic concept of "eating".

"And how do you suppose we can get inside _that_ tiny little building, huh?" Yellow pointed out.

Amethyst piped up in response to that question. "Oh, I dunno. Shapeshifting?" She then proceeded to jokingly demonstrate by shrinking herself until she was at a size where she could fit inside a conch shell, staying that way for a couple of seconds, then returning to her original form.

Blue and Yellow looked at her, then at each other, and suddenly nodded in agreement. And so they did shapeshift. They shrunk their light bodies until they looked like giant gemstones with legs, arms, and a head. ...The two looked absolutely, positively ridiculous, and the Crystal Gems had to stifle their laughter (lest Yellow blow up and have them be incinerated by her bolts of lightning).

After managing to get Blue and Yellow inside the restaurant, Steven seated them at the reserved table for two. Alas, they were still so big that they could bonk their heads on the ceiling if they weren't careful.

Just then, one of the waiters walked over. "Here's your pizza... With literally all the toppings." Kiki served them a pizza that looked like a fish and cheese casserole, complete with an entire fish sticking out of it. Yep. "And you two are totally gonna need these." Kiki dropped two plastic spoons off at their table before leaving.

The Gems were shocked that Steven would introduce such a large amount of food all at once.

"Steven, are you sure you know what you're doing?" whispered Pearl.

"...I hope." Steven whispered back.

Blue looked at the dish quizzically, clearly surprised by its sheer volume. " _This_ is pizza?" she asked.

"Well, yeah..." answered Steven, starting to feel a bit unsure about this plan.

Yellow crossed her arms impatiently. "Alright, Pink. _Now_ what?"

"You... eat it like _this_." Steven demonstrated by cutting himself a tiny slice and eating it. "Mmm." he smiled.

At that cue, Amethyst walked over, carefully grabbed a piece herself, and shoved the whole thing into her mouth at once out of being unable to resist temptation. "Yeah, see?" she spoke, kind of muffled.

"...Alright, fine." Yellow gave in. "I guess we'll have a taste." She made herself a small piece, and just stared at it hesitantly for a while. When she finally took a bite out of it, her eyes completely opened up wide as she gasped. "What is this?! Th-this is...!" She then proceeded to offer the rest of her slice to Blue, who promptly put it in her own mouth.

Blue's eyes sparkled. "It's so, so good!" she spoke in utter awe.

And they just started to dig in at the rest of the huge pizza--with their hands and fingers. They ate so voraciously that it was splattering on the table, dripping onto their gemstones, and smearing their faces. But Blue and Yellow didn't seem to even care, as their pizza was so good that they just wanted to focus their attention on their passionate eating.

Pearl looked away from the scene, feeling queasy all of a sudden even though she quite literally had no stomach contents that could possibly be emptied. And even Amethyst lost her appetite at seeing the Diamonds eat like wild animals; even _she_ sometimes preferred using a utensil as opposed to just shoving globs of oily cheese into her mouth with her bare hands.

Garnet (but mainly Sapphire) was absolutely mortified at seeing her ex-boss dig her fingers into her food and eat the toppings off of them with Jabba Desilijic Tiure-like table manners. She wanted the ground to swallow her up whole.

The employees of the place, including Kiki, just stared, frozen in their spots. They were too scared to approach those intimidating giant ladies. Various customers at the other tables got up and stormed out of the restaurant in disgust, but nobody seemed to notice that, fortunately.

Steven had wanted to interrupt Blue and Yellow before it got too messy, but he figured they were having too much unadulterated fun, and it was probably already way too late anyhow.

After the two Diamonds finally finished the food--yes, even the whole fish--Steven went up and started to clean them off (as well as the area around them) with paper napkins.

"Did you, um..." said Steven with a bit of a grimace as he wiped the grease off of their gemstones. "...Enjoy your pizza?"

"Yes!" shouted the Diamonds together with big grins. Wow. Steven had _never_ seen them so joyful before.

"Would it be okay with you, er..." Yellow began, but suddenly paused shyly.

Blue finished that question for her. "...If we could do this again next time?"

Steven's eyes widened. " _'Next time'?_ ...Sure, why not?" he smiled.

The rest of the Crystal Gems felt like bursting into tears.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!


End file.
